SAVE THE DATE!

So it has been a while since I have posted any blogs. Things have been crazy! I started working at my old daycare again and it is nice to be back with all my kids! I still teach the school-agers which is my favorite. I have also been taking a LOT of classes. Thank God I finished my last final this morning. I planned on coming hope after I was done and sleeping but for the first time in over a week, I'm not tired.

My big project over Christmas break is getting my Save The Date cards out in the mail. I picked out the pictures finally and now I just have to design the card and finish up the guest list. Also over the break my sisters are taking me dress shopping again. I finally figured out what style I want so now I just have to find the perfect one. Here are the pictures for our save the date cards.

What do you think? I wanted them to be more playful than serious.

I have been missing my mom a lot lately. I keep watching sad, mom dying, movies and they all tend to be lifetime movies. Mom and I used to LOVE Lifetime movies. They are so depressing but so good at the same time. Hopefully I will have more time to blog over the break!

Mom's Spiced Tea

I am sure there is a real name for this tea but I prefer to call it "Mom's Spiced Tea." A friend gave it to her when I was in high school and I fell in love with it. She would make me a cup every night before bed. It would help me sleep so well. When we finally ran out I made her track down the recipe so she could keep making it for me. Last year I decided to make some and take it to my mom while she was sick and she loved it as much as I did. I told her that it helped me sleep so I thought it might help her sleep. Se told me it worked but I think she was just trying to make me feel better. I made some more this weekend and I have been drinking a cup before I go to bed in hopes that it will help me sleep. I have always had anxiety at night, mostly restless legs, but it has gotten worse since mom died. It didn't seem to make me sleep any better but it definitely makes me feel closer to my mom for just a little bit.

Mom's Spiced Hot Tea!

1 1/3 c. Tang flavor beverage crystals

1/3 c. instant tea

1 tsp. cinnamon

1/2 c. sugar

1/2 tsp. ground cloves

Mix together well and put in canister. Put 1 teaspoon per cup of hot water.

I have been missing her a lot lately. I always miss her but some weeks are worse than others. I am trying to get up the courage to go wedding dress shopping but it is really hard. I feel like I should be doing it with her. I keep telling myself that she is probably COMPLETELY annoyed with me that I have not gone yet. My sisters are doing a pretty good job of getting me excited though. Not much else has been going on with the wedding. I have been working on the guest list and addresses which is COMPLETELY overwhelming but I am getting closer to being finished, Thank Goodness! Joel and I have also chosen our honeymoon location! We are ALMOST positive that this is where we want to go. the resort is Paradisus Playa Conchal in COST RICA! We are SUPER excited and relieved we found a place that has everything each of us want.

P.S Christmas is almost here!!! Anyone who knows me knows that I am a tad OBSESSED with Christmas. I will post my December itinerary soon!

Oh Patrick...

Anyone who knows me at all knows that I am tad bit on the obsessed side when it comes to Patrick Swayze and Dirty Dancing. It was the first movie I ever remember truly loving. I probably went though 4 or 5 VHS copies of Dirty Dancing. I would watch it over and over and eventually the film would snap. Thank goodness DVDs have come along! In Junior high I made a Dirty Dancing binder. I printed out the script and lyrics to every song in the movie. Just when I thought I had reached the climax of my Patrick Swayze obsession I found that he and his wife Lisa were going to be my new NEIGHBORS! We have a family cabin in the mountains of New Mexico and he bought a cabin and land right behind our cabin. Every time we made the trip to New Mexico I would walk the mile to his place and PRAY that I would see him. It never happened....Finally when I was a junior in high school we made the annual trip to the cabin. I had my best friend Jenn with me and we were determined to see him. Everyday we would drive over to his driveway and sit at the gate. One day we got hungry so we decided to drive back to our place and get some food and then go back and stake out his house. As we drove back up towards his house our dream came true! There stood Patrick Swayze, shirt off, working in his bard about 15 yards from his gate. I just about died! I begged Jenn to go and talk to him and she finally got up and started to walk closer. He was obviously confused as to what we were doing and so he whistled for his HUGE Rhodesian Ridge-back hoping that we would back off. Conveniently Jenn also had a HUGE Rhodesian Ridge-back so she got down and started to play with her. Finally, Lisa starts walking down the driveway. She is obviously a little annoyed and we felt bad but I wanted to meet him so bad. We told her our intentions and she shot us down. We wee disappointed but not SHOCKED that she told us to go away. That day is by far one of my favorite days in the world. I was so sad when I heard he had passed away. I immediately thought of his wife and it broke my heart. I watched the Barbara Walters special the night he died and she said that he passed away while on his ranch in New Mexico. This makes me feel like I know him personally. Our cabin in New Mexico holds such a special place in my family's heart and I know that the Swayze's felt the same way. I am glad he got to spend the last days of his life in such a special place.

I love you the most, I miss you the most

After my sisters and I went through my mom's old jewelry box I decided to go home and go through my "mom box." I am one of those people who have a box for everything and everyone. My sister makes fun of me because when she was helping my dad move last year she got into my closet and found almost a dozen shoe boxes with boy's names on them. In my mom box I keep EVERYTHING that has ever reminded me of my mom. Here are some specific items to give you a better idea:

Lots of pictures

The newspaper with her obituary

Several cards and letters she wrote to me

Her credit card that she let me use in high school

My quote book that I write all sorts of things in. I started it the year she got sick.

One of her old notebooks

A couple of inspirational books she got while in treatment

The program from her funeral

and several other random things she wrote on or that we found at her house.

I love having these things of hers. It makes me feel like I can stop what I am doing and spend time with her. I probably talk to her more now that she is gone than when she was alive. I am so mad at myself for being angry with her the last couple years of her life. There is no doubt in my mind that she knew that I loved her but I still wish I would have told her that I did more often. Because of that I spend a lot of time telling her that I miss her, that I love her and I apologize a lot for some of the events that have taken place since she died. In my previous blog I said that I am very hesitant to go dress shopping because I am nervous about not find the right dress. Now that I think about it I wonder if it is really because my mom wanted more than anything to take me dress shopping. It is all she talked about when I would visit. She even talked about it before Joel and I got engaged. I always laughed it off but I really wish I hadn't.

This is a picture I found in my mom's apartment. I just love looking at it because everyone says they can see me in her. And having my nanny and papa in it is a plus. I imagine this is what they look like all together in heaven.

This is another one of my favorite pictures.

This is the picture that I keep by my bed. The way she looks in this picture is how I always picture her in my mind. This pictures captures how it used to be when things were "normal".

There is a card that I have in my box that is my favorite. She sent it to me during finals week my first year of college along with three boxes filled with food, candy, pencils, pens, a soft robe and some fuzzy slippers. The card said " I love you the most, I miss you the most." As confident as I am that I was her favorite, I know what she said applied to all three of her daughters. She loved us more than anything and would have done just about anything to get better and be able to be bigger parts of out lives. Now that she is gone I would say that it is safe to say that my sisters and I love her the most and miss her the most.

BMGS

Not much is going on in the wedding planning arena. I have made arrangements for all of the major things and I have about a month or two before I need to get more arrangements made. I always thought that I would go dress shopping the second I got engaged but instead, I am very very nervous about dress shopping. I am scared that I will not find anything I like or that nothing will look good on me and if I do find the perfect gown, everyone helping me will tell me it's not the one. I know that I need to find a dress that I want but what fun is it to get married in a dress that no one likes?

It has been almost 3 months since my mom died and it is slowly, very very slowly getting easier...actually its not but I figure that it might seem to get easier if I just say that it is. I still talk about her all the time. I think it makes people think I'm a little crazy but I can't help it. My sisters and I went through her her jewelry box and it was very...therapeutic. There are a lot of very memorable pieces in her jewelry box. Some big pieces, little pieces, expensive pieces and some pieces that aren't worth a buck but no matter the details they hold a little piece of our childhood where everything was "normal" or BMGS (Before Mom Got Sick). We ultimately decided that besides a few particular items we would leave mom's jewelry box the way we found and when we want to have a little piece of her with us, borrow what we wanted.

There are a few items that hold a very special place in our memories that we decided to split up. Amy has a beautiful necklace that has my nannie's (mom's mom) wedding ring stones it it. Dad had it made into a gorgeous three stone pendant necklace. I just love the jewelry I receive from my mom's side of the family. It probably is not the most expensive stuff but it sure came from the heart. My papa was a wonderful man and he loved y nanny so much. Before nanny died she gave me her mother's ring that my papa had made for her. I wear it all the time and it is one of my most special pieces of jewelry.

Tracy got a piece that just screams Patti. It was one of her most prized possessions besides her wedding rings. Several years ago my dad got my mom a beautiful cross necklace that she never took off. I remember being little with my head in her lap and I would just stare at it. I am really happy that Tracy gets it. Her and my mom were extremely close.

I get to have a aquamarine cocktail ring that I can remember playing with when I was little. I am not sure how much my mom even wore this ring but for some reason when I picture her in my mind she is always wearing it. I also have her wedding band. When we went to the funeral home they gave us her rings and I put it on and haven't taken it off since. It is just a simple gold band but to me it represents over thirty years of marriage.

This is the aquamarine cocktail ring

This is my mom's wedding band

This is my nannie's mother ring with my mom, Uncle Bill and Uncle Steve's Birthstones.

Oh how things have changed!

Hello bloggers! It has been about a million years since my last post! A lot of the wedding plans have changed but for the better! I am a lot less stressed out and feel much more on top of things.

For starters, the wedding date has been moved up! We are getting married August 7, 2010. I am glad we moved it up because I cannot imagine being this stressed out for 18 months.

The next big change is the location. It always felt a little predestined for me to get married at the First Presbyterian Church in Enid Oklahoma, invite 500 people and then have a formal reception at the Country Club. As fun as it would be to have IDENTICAL weddings as both of my sisters, I decided that my life has gone way off of the path I assumed it would be. Maybe if my mom hadn't so tragically died and my dad wasn't remarried within three months of the funeral I would be having that oh so predictable wedding. With all that said the new location is Hillcrest Presbyterian church in South Oklahoma City. It is a very small, informal church that is unbelievably welcoming and friendly. Tracy, my sister, and her husband go to that church and so does all of Tim's family. We have only been going for about a month and I am already signed up to teach the high school Sunday school class!

One thing is staying the same is the large number of guests. The church only holds 250 people so the ceremony will be small and then everyone and their dog is invited to the reception. We are estimating 200-250 at the ceremony and about 300-400 at the reception. I like this arrangement though. I am glad only the people who REALLY care about seeing us get married will at the church but it will also be nice to see everyone from both our families' past and presents at the reception.

I could not be any more excited for the location of the reception. We have booked the Oklahoma City Farmer's Market! It is such a cool building with so much character. The only thing better than the space you ask...? HEATHER...She is the wedding planner who is in charge of weddings at the Farmer's Market. She is so nice and really understands my theme.."As much as we can get for as little as we can get it." I was so stressed out about linens, food, flowers etc... and she sat down with me for nearly two hours and helped me get a better idea of the details. I have not been stressed since. She is a God send!

Some of the smaller details we have changed are the colors, Sky blue and Ivory with just a touch of yellow. I was really wanting to think of a good way to incorporate my mom with out overshadowing the joy of the day. My mom LOVED yellow roses so I am going to incorporate yellow roses into my bouquet and my sister's bouquet. The bridesmaids are going to have blue dresses with white hydrangeas, my sisters' will be the same but with a couple yellow roses added. My bouquet will be white hydrangeas and little bit of blue and then a few yellow roses. I think this will be a nice touch without being to loud.

I am also hoping to do as much as I can myself and with the help of family so any suggestions would be appreciated! I hope to blog more often now that things have settled down. I hope you keep reading!

Busy busy busy

It has been a super busy time for me right now. That is why I have not blogged lately. It also might have to do with the 5 hour summer class I was taking is finally over. That is always when I did my best blogging. Now I am just working and taking an online class. I am so excited that this is my last week of stress for the summer! My last day of work is on Friday and then Joel and I are leaving for NEW MEXICO!!! My family has a cabin there and it is amazingly relaxing. It is up in the mountains the weather is amazing! it gets so cold at night and I love it! My favorite thing to do out there is to read on the porch by the fire. It has been a few years since I have made it out because I have been taking so many summer classes but I am finally finding the time. Joel has never been out there but I know he is going love it.

Joel has been in Vegas since Tuesday and it has been pretty lonely around here without him. I am however, looking forward to a nice relaxing Saturday with no plans besides being lazy with my dogs. Im sure I will get bored so I will do more blogging soon!

For better and for worse...

Even though we have 18 months until the wedding and our marriage officially starts, Joel and I got in our first major marriage based argument. Lets just say it involved a bachelor party, several strip clubs and a huge chunk of change. But after explaining my reasoning to Joel and making him realize that from now on all decisions have to be made with our marriage as the top priority, we reached an agreement. He gets to attend the bachelor party, NO strips clubs and a decent amount of spending money. I'd say we handle this first big blow pretty well. It really give me hope that we will be able to conquer anything life throws at us. Here are some pictures of Joel and I over the past 2 years.

This is the first time Joel and I hung out outside of class.

His fraternity won scandals that night

This is the day Joel asked me to be his girlfriend :)

We were at the arts festival in OKC

This is Joel's 21st birthday.

We were dancing to our song

I have no clue where this is but it is a cute picture

This is Joel and I celebrating our first Christmas

This picture was taken in Chicago when we went to visit his mom.

It was our first big trip together...15 hours in the car

This is me waking into the restaurant when he proposed

I was so awkward

This is Joel proposing :)

This is our most recent picture taken at a family reunion in Enid

Is it bad to still sleep with your baby blanket when you are 21?

Until recently I did not realize my need for comfort items. My biggest most important item is by far my blanket. I have had it since I was born and absolutely refuse to part with it. I even had to warn Joel that if I ever had to choose between him and my blanket...He would be out of luck. I remember when I was little and I would go to school when it was stormy outside, I would test my mom. I would ask her what the one thing she was supposed to grab if there were ever a tornado and I was not there. My blanket of course! I even had a designated spot for my blanket when I was gone so she would know exactly where to grab it.

Lately I have found myself being very clingy to my mom. For some reason I feel like if I surround myself with her I will feel better. I have a huge portrait of my family hanging in my bedroom (joel thinks it is creepy), I have a picture of my mom next to my bed, in my planner and LARGELY posted as my screen saver on my computer. Why that makes me feel better..I have no idea. I think part of me just wants to feel close to her. Sometimes I find myself wishing it was the week she died just so I could be surrounded by her things and people talking about her. I think I am scared that the further I get from the last day I saw her, the more I am going to forget her.

One thing that is really important to me is a necklace she made for me. When my sisters I were cleaning out her apartment we came across these 3 handmade necklaces. We had no idea what they were but then my aunt told us that my mom had mentioned that she was making necklaces for us. I am so glad we found them because it is a piece of her that I can have with me all the time.

As I plan the wedding I find myself trying to find as many ways as possible to include my mom. I have come up with several ways to do this. Silent night was my moms favorite Christmas song. Since I am getting married at Christmas I decided to include the song in our ceremony. Another thing I am including are these beautiful white ornaments that my dad gave to my mom every year for Christmas. Since there will be a Christmas tree in the sanctuary I am going to hang them on the tree. And last, I inherited my mom's 25 years worth of Southern Living cookbooks. There are several Christmas editions and as I was going through them I found several sticky notes marking her favorite ideas that I hope to incorporate in the wedding. I am hoping that with all these little details I will really be able to feel like she is there with me.

December 18, 2010

Wedding planning is definitely coming along. I still have a LONG time until the wedding but we will need it with all the projects I am doing myself with the help of ANYONE willing. I have booked the church (First Presbyterian Enid) and set up premarital counseling. Since it is going to be the week before Christmas I have also already booked the caterer (Angel Delight) and the reception venue (Cherokee Strip Convention Center).

I am so excited to have a Christmas theme and I am TOTALLY playing it up. There will be tons of candles, white lights and several Christmas Trees. I have always LOVED Christmas time. Everything about it is romantic to me. I almost get teary eyed when I hear my favorite Christmas songs. As smooth as things are going right now there are a couple things I still need to figure out.

I have 4 ring bearers and ZERO flower girls

I really want to have someone sing at my wedding but I have no idea who

The thought of creating a my guest list completely overwhelms me

Here is a picture of one thing I am TOTALLY excited about

These are two of my colors. The third color is just traditional white. I LOVE this color for bridesmaid dresses and this bouquet is just amazing.If you look closely you can see that at the bottom supporting the roses are poinsettia petals. My bridesmaids will carry this and I will carry a larger version.

One other thing I am really excited about are all 25 years worth of southern living cookbooks I inherited from my mom. There are several Christ,as editions and as I was looking through them there were several decoration ideas my mom had marked. I am going to try and incorporate some of these things into the wedding. I hope it will make me feel like my mom was involved.

My sister is going to be so proud of me!

My sister has said that blogging is like therapy. The past 6 months have been crazy! They have been filled with 2 of the most life changing events I will experience. At the end of it all I will have successfully planned one wedding and one funeral.

On April 3 I became engaged to the most wonderful person. It was definitely one of the happiest days of my life.

On May 21 I found out that my mom had died. It was definitely one of the most heartbreaking days of my life.

Those two days are polar opposites but they are so intertwined with each other that I find myself more confused and hot and cold than I ever have been. After both of those moments I found myself being asked the same question for both. " Were you surprised?" My answer was the same for both. " I knew it was coming but did not expect to be as surprised as I was."

I started this blog to create an outlet for all of the mixed emotions I have been feeling lately. I am SO excited about planning my wedding but it is really hard to do when all you want is your mom. Ever since I got engaged I had mixed feelings about my mom being too involved in my wedding. She was very unstable at this point and I was honestly scared for my wedding. Now I wish she could be a part of it more than anything. I am so lucky to have two sisters, a handful of aunts and tons of friends to help fill the void of not having my mom around and as much as it helps, I would do anything to have my mom be a part of my wedding.

I hope I am as good of a "blogger" as my sister Amy but no promises. So to hear all about my wedding planning and healing process...

Please come again!